It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
