Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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