a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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