Its about making memories worth repressing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
