Can Purell be used as lube?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
