party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
