My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
