Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
