evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
