So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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