a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So many bounce houses so little time
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
