got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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