I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
