Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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