from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
love makes seman taste better
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
