just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
