; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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