I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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