my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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