You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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