I cannot find my penis.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
