I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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