im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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