You work out of a Hotel?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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