I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
