If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
