If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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