Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
