You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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