i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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