just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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