Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
