youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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