She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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