she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
