Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
