Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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