I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
