ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
