i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
