Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
