I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
