Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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