I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
