so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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