Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
