just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
