Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
