that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently the secret to your success is patron
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
