i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
