what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I supernannyed him into submission
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
